It’s been days, weeks, months, over a year since I have sat down and actually had the guts to spill the truth, or to what I think is true.
‘Understanding is the one-dimensional comprehension of the intellect. It leads to knowledge.’ Sometimes more than we can handle.
I have done so much research on the human brain in the last year. I have learned we are not all that crazy. Some things just don’t line up. And thats ok. It’s not one’s fault over another. It’s just the way we were made. Genetics. I myself have been through a shit storm of up and downs. Anyone who knows me can say the same. Maybe one day I’ll write a book, probably starting somewhere in Chapter 23. Just because that’s how my life is.
‘Before we are able to learn, we must first empty our tanks.’
Jumping from one thing to the next? Not finishing what was first started. Not realizing the shit you might be leaving behind for the other person to finish. Why is that fair? Because it’s life.
The other day I was listening to a podcast as to why relationships work and don’t work, and HOW to make things work. Sit down, and please shut up. You are just making yourself look stupid. Oh, and also feeding the ignorant minds listening to you. I know we have our own opinions, but lets not be so blinded as to what is really going on here. We all have a different hearts, lets not forget that one.
Before I share this, I would like to say, I have been reaching more for God than usual for guidance, to show me what is real and what is not. I have made a list of all the things I know I need out of life to live comfortably. Also, what I need in a man. Loyalty – my main word. In business and in Love. I felt God listening as I wrote out all of these things daily. I just know he is setting me up for something great. He is never finished.
I do not open up easily to men, due to my past. So please know how embarrassed I am to tell this. Walking away, this is a tough one to swallow. I can only grow from here. I recently went out of my way to go see a ‘boy’ who I thought was interested in me. We had actually met a year prior and recently reconnected. It was cute. He acted surprised and just as ‘Happy’ as I was. Only a week had passed, trembling Mandee sent him a message asking if I could come see him. Never done that before. Huge leap. But was that my mistake? He has a busy schedule, I was trying to let him know I was on his time by offering to come up. I wanted a chance to get to know him. We seemed to have a lot in common, so why not right? I took the chance and he said Yes!!! We ended up having a great time. He was everything I thought he would be and more. Got him drunk off his very first mimosa. HOLLA. Chatted about life. Ordered the whole pizza hut menu. THE GOOD LIFE. The nights we all live for. Of course we are always questioning what the other person is thinking, but sometimes we just have to go off of actions. It all seemed so real. When I went to leave, he walked me to my car. Kissed me goodbye.
By the time I got home, I went to send him a text thanking him for everything and that I had made it home. Realizing I was completely blocked on everything. WHAT THE FUCK!! I’m still yelling the F word, if anyone is wondering. I can honestly say, I have never felt more disrespected in my life. WHY?
Society has molded so many minds to hide behind their phones, just as the villains they are.
The most realistic reason relationships don’t work is the lack of respect. You can’t respect others, if you don’t respect yourself. It’s one full circle. We all know that but somewhere along the way we forget something so simple. For years now, we have had the power to do anything and everything from the palms of our hands. It’s disgusting to think about. I have lost friends, boyfriends, family members, etc.
From a girl who grew up before cell phones, I’m truly discouraged by this thing we are now calling ‘Life.’ Take a step back, (if you can) and look at the big picture. How many marriages have failed in the last 10 years between friends or even family. How many friendships? How many basic relationships have ended because someone didn’t text back fast enough, or maybe he/she liked anothers photo.
LETS TALK ABOUT THE FACT THAT THE SUICIDE RATE IS THE HIGEST IT HAS EVER BEEN!!!!!! AND WHYYYYYYYYYY!?!?!
In the last ten years, these numbers have not stopped rising. Does that not make you cringe?! It’s something so real. More people you know feel this emotion and demon inside of them. It’s NOTHING they can control. This WAR, as I like to call it, you fight solo. No one will ever understand what your mind is capable of. Only you.
I’ve always wanted to be an advocate for young kids who feel like they don’t have anyone to talk to, go to for advice, whatever it may be. You know that saying, “Be who you needed when you were younger.” I’m in my late twenties and I’m still going through hard times. It’s never going to be easy. I wish I could speak to EVERY KID who is struggling and tell them to hold on. It only gets worse before it gets better. That’s the kind of thing they don’t teach you. Life is real. Life hurts. Life will bring you bliss in moments you least expect it. The next you could be in the heaviest down pour of your life. But in the end, that beautiful sunset you just witnessed, makes it all worth it.
‘Embody what you teach, and teach only what you have embodied.’
This quotes is something I read every single day. Do not teach on to others what you would not teach your sons or daughters.
No matter who you are, before you go and make that dick move, remember where you came from, where you are going, and where you want to be. Remember exactly what you are representing.
Don’t let your ego be the only thing you feed. She won’t scratch your back to sleep every night.